Picky

Seriously, my list of dealbreakers is ever growing. It seems I'm finally becoming old and crabby just like I dreamed of as a child... Hirsute women; women with unattractive hands; women who make use of slang and/or expletives (unless they're being ironic); anyone who defines themselves by the clothes they wear or the people they know or the false gods they love; anyone with a casual interest in music rather than an unnatural craving for it... Freakishly brainy. Not at all smart. Lazy or unambitious. Disinterested in horses. Anyone who won't let me name my first born son, Ernest. My second born son, Atticus. My third born son, Francis. And all my daughters, equally, Zooey. I can go on...smokers, alcoholics, religious zealots, non-voters, non-tippers, the uncultured, the unadventurous, the unchallenged, the xenophobic, the neo-Nazis, the neo-Eighties, the bad spellers, the double-standarderers, those with atrocious penmanship, the left-handed, the tax evaders, the ones who configure their toilet rolls to go under as opposed to over, the team anistons, the team jolies, the ones who can't distinguish between "their", "they're", and "there"... I could go on. It seems there is really only one woman for me. Me.

We're undeveloped, we're ignorant, we're stupid, but we're happy

I have to say, I really enjoyed your Paula Abdul post so don't take my lack of posting as a slight in any way. School is coming to an end soon, so you can imagine the sleepless nights I'm suffering at the moment... But, amidst the Sturm und Drang, it's been super nice to get your old-fashioned telegram (not to mention the warning notes about the abnormally large spiders awaiting me in my sock drawer). THANK YOU.

So I was thinking about your situation, you know, spending more time with A now than when you were together. In my prudish opinion, contemporary New York relationships are lacking in romance. All this getting-to-know-about-your-penchant-for-circus-skills stuff should really happened before the sex. Can you imagine the smoldering sexual tension that would have occurred if you hadn't have had sex yet? It seems to me that you guys would make a really raunchy couple but the scenes are all out of whack. Look, I'm a strong proponent of non-linearity, but the pain you're enduring (inflicting on yourself) at the moment boggles the mind. But I'll stop there because I've done dumber things. All I can offer you is a token for a big bear hug when I return. (This will include a bonus slap in the face, buster.)