Is this thing on?

 Is this thing on?

I miss my sister from the land down under. It has been ages since we spoke, an entire pandemic happened!

I hope life is going well for you, I quite miss you.

Ding dong!

The witch is dead! She quit!! She couldn't handle the pressure and media spotlight anymore!!!

Of course, this makes her free to travel the country supporting a "conservative agenda," but if there's one thing Americans will not vote for is a quitter!
Hip hip hooray!!


Are you all packed and ready to return?

Palin Writes Creepy E-mails

When Trig was born, Palin wrote an e-mail letter to friends and relatives, describing the belated news of her pregnancy and detailing Trig’s condition; she wrote the e-mail not in her own name but in God’s, and signed it 'Trig’s Creator, Your Heavenly Father.

It Came From Wasilla

Are you one of those "special" people who has to wear a helmet all the time to protect themselves? Because that is the sort of face you are making.

Get Your Motor Running

Feck bicycles. Today I went Quad Biking up in the mountains.

False Alarm

Sorry it's been a while. I was really scared because I dreamed about having sex with a boy and then I missed my period. Freaked me the hell out.

November 20!

http://www.youtube.com/watch?v=dwnidftwZ_M



Also here are some birthday photos: http://www.stuartmx.com/bday/bday.html
The redhead is A.

New York, New York

You are hysterical. I'm sure there is more than one woman for you - clone of you! We will have to get to work on that when you get back.

I agree, though. The older I get the more dealbreakers I have. And to be honest somehow super passionate about music isn't as high on the list anymore because all the girls who are passionate about it just get their "knowledge" off Pitchfork and I have no desire to deal with having to know a new great band every 3 days.

The new Twilight comes out in Ocyober or November. I want to say November, but I could be wrong. Either way we shall be there!

I super duper hope this Visa of yours gets approved. I miss you and need you back here! We went to Mars 2112 for my birthday, and it just wasn't the same without you. It's a restaurant near Times Square themed like Mars! Complete with people dressed as aliens and a virtual shuttle ride to get to the restaurant area! It was glorious. Wait until you see the phoos, it was out of this world!
I can't web tell you how often I've been making that pun.

Everything is alright here, except for the A front. Still the same as always... She's going back to Illinois for the summer so that will probably help put things in perspective. It's terrible, really. And all my friends really like her, they just don't approve of the situation. You'd probably like her as well, were it not for the crushing of your little brother's feelings.

Have I mentioned I am taking trapeze classes? They're glorious! I'm learning so much AND my body is becoming more flexible and dexterous! Which I can assure you has come in handy on certain occasions!
I'm also learning poi, so I can dance with fire at some point!
Speaking of, do you definitely want to go to Burning Man? If so I will start looking into transportation out there...

And where are you staying when you get back here? Do you have anything lines up or what? You know you are more than welcome to crash at my place if you need to!

Picky

Seriously, my list of dealbreakers is ever growing. It seems I'm finally becoming old and crabby just like I dreamed of as a child... Hirsute women; women with unattractive hands; women who make use of slang and/or expletives (unless they're being ironic); anyone who defines themselves by the clothes they wear or the people they know or the false gods they love; anyone with a casual interest in music rather than an unnatural craving for it... Freakishly brainy. Not at all smart. Lazy or unambitious. Disinterested in horses. Anyone who won't let me name my first born son, Ernest. My second born son, Atticus. My third born son, Francis. And all my daughters, equally, Zooey. I can go on...smokers, alcoholics, religious zealots, non-voters, non-tippers, the uncultured, the unadventurous, the unchallenged, the xenophobic, the neo-Nazis, the neo-Eighties, the bad spellers, the double-standarderers, those with atrocious penmanship, the left-handed, the tax evaders, the ones who configure their toilet rolls to go under as opposed to over, the team anistons, the team jolies, the ones who can't distinguish between "their", "they're", and "there"... I could go on. It seems there is really only one woman for me. Me.

Don't Let Facebook Steal Your Soul

You, me and Dakota Fanning makes three. I'm down for a light-headed cinema experience. When is the movie coming out, because if my visa application is approved, it looks like I'm all set to return on July 6, 2009. Mark it in your diary old friend. Like Julian Casablacas says, It's Summer in the Citay.

Reality!

And I'm not Bonnie Tyler, and I'm not Toni Braxton
And this song is not gonna save your relationship, oh no... shit!
And this sentimental movie marathon has taught us one thing
It's the opposite of true love is as follows: Reality!

We're undeveloped, we're ignorant, we're stupid, but we're happy

I have to say, I really enjoyed your Paula Abdul post so don't take my lack of posting as a slight in any way. School is coming to an end soon, so you can imagine the sleepless nights I'm suffering at the moment... But, amidst the Sturm und Drang, it's been super nice to get your old-fashioned telegram (not to mention the warning notes about the abnormally large spiders awaiting me in my sock drawer). THANK YOU.

So I was thinking about your situation, you know, spending more time with A now than when you were together. In my prudish opinion, contemporary New York relationships are lacking in romance. All this getting-to-know-about-your-penchant-for-circus-skills stuff should really happened before the sex. Can you imagine the smoldering sexual tension that would have occurred if you hadn't have had sex yet? It seems to me that you guys would make a really raunchy couple but the scenes are all out of whack. Look, I'm a strong proponent of non-linearity, but the pain you're enduring (inflicting on yourself) at the moment boggles the mind. But I'll stop there because I've done dumber things. All I can offer you is a token for a big bear hug when I return. (This will include a bonus slap in the face, buster.)

Stay indoors and don't go near the spiders!!

These things are terrifying

straight up now tell me are you gonna love me forever

While I would love to tell you I am no longer spending time with A, that is not the case. In fact, I think we are now spending even MORE time together.
I know. I'm an idiot. You don't understand. We've become incredibly close friends and we have so many of the same interests we just wind up spending time together.

There was a bit of a blow-up a few weeks ago and we didn't talk for a week. It was AWFUL. And apparently we both hated it, but I'm the only one willing to acknowledge that it definitely means we should be more than friends. And a week after the blow-up we had a huge talk about everything, and I flat out told her how crazy I am about her. And then she didn't talk for a while.
I just don't know what to do. It's terrible. I've tried going out with other girls, and none even come close to this one. She's incredibly funny, a blast to be around, we love going to the same sorts of events, and just click in every possible way. Oh and she's completely drop-dead gorgeous. The first time I saw her I pretty much stopped in my tracks.
But for some reason she doesn't want to date me. She told me why, and I'm not sure I accept it as a reasonable excuse, but I will email it to you so you will know.

ANYWAY. Aside from that. Did you ENTER the sheep shearing contest, or just watch? Because I really think you could become quite good at that if you trained for it. I'm not sure what sort of training is involved, but if you want I'll be your coach. I'll be the Mick to your Rocky. We just need to find you an Adrienne.

Do you know where you will stay for the summer? Do you want me to keep an ear out in case I hear of anything?

I am so desperately excited for you to come back. No one can entertain me the way you can entertain me. And that's a fact. And I do want you to meet A, just so you can see what all the fuss is about. I know I'm being a complete idiot by not cutting all ties, but we've become too close of friends for me to do that. And it sucks. Either way it sucks.

ANYWAY. Let's move on to happier things. I'm becoming quite good at hula hooping, so when you get back I will have to teach you. We can go to the park and use it to lure girls over to us. "Oh my god I'm so sorry my wayward hula hoop 'accidentally' hit you!"
Yea. I have no problem being that guy. And I don't think you'd have a problem being that girl.

Have you seen Adventureland yet? I went Sunday night, it was pretty entertaining. I really loved the soundtrack the most, though. Who knew the girl from Twilight could play such a whore?!
Speaking of Twilight, Dakota Fanning is in the next movie. You & me & a bottle of wine or three for that, yes?

Did I tell you I am taking an aerial acrobatics class? It's glorious! I'm in the beginner class, but other advanced classes are going on in the room at the same time. Do you know how distracting it is to be in a room full of 25 people, only 2 of which are guys, and all the girls are INCREDIBLY flexible and bending their bodies in ways I did not know were possible both in midair and on the ground?
Because it is.

Please don't ever mention anything about shaving hair again. I think there are some things that we should keep private, and I'm pretty sure that is one of them...

Not much else is going on here. I went to a party Friday night with a girl, but I don't really feel anything between us so I think I'm going to end it. Maya I don't even want to have random casual sex anymore. That's how bad things are for me.

I can't wait for you to come back. We need to think of good adventures for as soon as you get off the plane. Do we want to commandeer another bus??

You're missed!!

It Gets Dark at 5

the decreasing amount of daylight is making me miserable here, but ever enthusiastic about getting back to The City. my contract ends next month and I have to sort out my work visa, but yes, i can safely say that i will be heading back over there for summer. i'm really excited about going to Burning Man, because i'm in desperate need for a drink and a dance with the other freaks.

of course, it all depends on my situation in august, but lordy, this lesbian wants to shave her hair off (not from her head) and DANCE.

how are things with you? please tell me you've found someone to replace The Girl. has kevin barnes and crew passed through?

Google Analytics

who needs sitemeter when i have google analytics running on this thing... i added you as a user so you should be able to access the stats for this humble little blog of ours...

Best. Day. Ever.

...at least in Sydney...

i went to the Sydney Easter Show on the weekend and had the greatest time. i literally spent 12 hours patting baby farm animals, eating carnival food, watching horse polo, getting temporary tattoos, watching sideshow freaks, perving on public lesbians, cheering the dog shows and riding crazy rides. sure, i threw up in my mouth a little on some of the rides, but it was worth it.

P.S. i witnessed a sheep shearing contest!
P.P.S. i ranted all day about fat people. wish you were there.

all we need is just a little patience

Oh yes, I hate bludgers as well. Although I suppose I sort of was one when I was on unemployment. It was enjoyable for a few months, but I didn't try to live off it forever...

Can't say I blame her for being in love with you - who wouldn't be!?

I'm doing a media server as well! It's nothing crazy, but it is so well done Best Buy doesn't even carry some things I need for it (wireless audio transmitters/receiver to send all audio sgnals to my tuner). I love it.

Napa was alright. Truth be told my family and I argued a lot. My brother was a giant prick of a control freak the entire time, and it just made me miserable and made me have no desire to be there.

We did go to this really cool place in San Fran called Musee Mecanique that had all these really old penny arcade games - it was a lot of fun. They were all mechanical and still working after who knows how many years.

Not to argue with you, but I'm pretty sure everything goes great with stilts. Okay except for maybe being sad, that probably isn't so good. I'm getting better...sort of.

Why would you not see Vivian again? You are so bad at being a lesbian! You meet these girls you have a ton of fun with and then never call them! And you don't even hook up, you just don't call! Did you get her number? You should ask her if she wants to go out for dinner. Perhaps seafood? Maybe tuna tacos for dessert!
God you must miss my jokes.

I've heard you mention Karla, but have never met her. Isn't she slightly above average in size? I remember a pic you showed me once and I think she was in it...
How is she in love with you when you are across the sea? Please tell me you aren't having super emotional email exchanges with this girl...cyber love is never healthy! Even in the age of Skype and ichat and all that.
Phone sex is still okay though. Do you think people back in the day had Morse code sex? Beep beep beeep beeeeep beeeeeeeep BEEEEEEEEEEEEEEEEEP!!!
(That was morse code for I'm coming!)

Do you mean it!? Are you really coming back? Because it won't be summer withou you and a big red bus!
Come back soon!!!

I'm doing a bunch of videos on how to move for this moving advice website. They asked me and didn't argue with price, so I figured why not.

Yup, trying to distract myself. Not working so well. Being pretty productive though! And if this results in me learning all sorts of fantastic skills, then I suppose it isn't so bad?

Can you please put a sitemeter.com counter on here? I want to know who is reading it!
And send me the l/p if you do it so I can track it too!

I will not be making out with any dwarfs! I want hot acrobats I can have trapeze sex with, not someone who can stand up straight and, well, you know...

I really hope you come back soon. My friends are rapidly becoming incredibly lame people who do nothing except be home by 10 for yet another Netflix night.
And who needs that!
Seriously, what is it about people that makes them incredibly boring once they are in a relationship? I would love to know. Fun people are turned into absolute drones as soon as they start getting serious.

I'm listening to Guns n Roses and wrote this entire thing on my ride to work. You realize GnR was the. First time you and I hung out? Such a wonderful time that was!

And you're right. That clown was scary. How about that girl clown, though? She was cute! My boss was like "I wonder which was your favorite" when he saw how much she was in the piece...

The biggest deal-breaker of all

You know how you hate fat people? Well, I hate bludgers.

Cheap-skate is bad. Bludger is badder.

BLUDGER: noun, (1) a person who lives off the efforts of others; a person who does not pay his fair share or who does not make a fair contribution to a cost, enterprise, etc., a cadger; an idler, one who makes little effort; (2) one who exploits the system of unemployment benefits by avoiding gainful employment and making do on the dole.

This is an Australian colloquial term that I would apply to people who are quite happy to leach off society.

This makes me unfriendly.

Young and hirsute

Wine in Napa is good. My family's brand-spanking new 55" LCD is better. No. I lie. Wine in Napa is better. But I just connected my cable router to our television and now my iMac is a neat little media server for it. uTorrent to the rescue.

About the Rilo Kiley reference... Yes, it's like any drug, it staves off the suffering in spurts. But, slap, get a grip buster! You're just going to get hooked on being a sucker, and listen to me mate, that's not a good look on you. It just doesn't go with your stilts.

Okay, so the little blonde-haired girl must have moved because I haven't seen her in 3 weeks or so. I did, however, meet a raven-haired beauty at a wedding last weekend. She apparently was in my grade but I swear I never laid eyes on her before. Until now.

She says she lost 12 pounds so maybe she wasn't svelte in school and so not visibile on my radar, but now? I'm a subscriber to the school of Vivian. We drank champagne and danced all night. She was a good time, but I don't imagine I'll see her again.

So, I've probably mentioned a friend of mine called Karla? Well, she's making me feel really uncomfortable at the moment. Like. Really. I don't know if she's playing or what, but she tells me that she thinks she's in love with me. Ew. I mean, she's a loyal friend and all, but what the fcuk? Lesbians suck.

You know how some people think that it's impossible for girls and guys to be friends, well, when it comes to lesbians, is it impossible for two gay girls to be friends?

In any event, I'm hoping to come back to NYC in June, so put on your good stilt paints and let's make a date to go gallavanting and sangria swilling in the summer sun!