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Best. Day. Ever.

...at least in Sydney...

i went to the Sydney Easter Show on the weekend and had the greatest time. i literally spent 12 hours patting baby farm animals, eating carnival food, watching horse polo, getting temporary tattoos, watching sideshow freaks, perving on public lesbians, cheering the dog shows and riding crazy rides. sure, i threw up in my mouth a little on some of the rides, but it was worth it.

P.S. i witnessed a sheep shearing contest!
P.P.S. i ranted all day about fat people. wish you were there.

all we need is just a little patience

Oh yes, I hate bludgers as well. Although I suppose I sort of was one when I was on unemployment. It was enjoyable for a few months, but I didn't try to live off it forever...

Can't say I blame her for being in love with you - who wouldn't be!?

I'm doing a media server as well! It's nothing crazy, but it is so well done Best Buy doesn't even carry some things I need for it (wireless audio transmitters/receiver to send all audio sgnals to my tuner). I love it.

Napa was alright. Truth be told my family and I argued a lot. My brother was a giant prick of a control freak the entire time, and it just made me miserable and made me have no desire to be there.

We did go to this really cool place in San Fran called Musee Mecanique that had all these really old penny arcade games - it was a lot of fun. They were all mechanical and still working after who knows how many years.

Not to argue with you, but I'm pretty sure everything goes great with stilts. Okay except for maybe being sad, that probably isn't so good. I'm getting better...sort of.

Why would you not see Vivian again? You are so bad at being a lesbian! You meet these girls you have a ton of fun with and then never call them! And you don't even hook up, you just don't call! Did you get her number? You should ask her if she wants to go out for dinner. Perhaps seafood? Maybe tuna tacos for dessert!
God you must miss my jokes.

I've heard you mention Karla, but have never met her. Isn't she slightly above average in size? I remember a pic you showed me once and I think she was in it...
How is she in love with you when you are across the sea? Please tell me you aren't having super emotional email exchanges with this girl...cyber love is never healthy! Even in the age of Skype and ichat and all that.
Phone sex is still okay though. Do you think people back in the day had Morse code sex? Beep beep beeep beeeeep beeeeeeeep BEEEEEEEEEEEEEEEEEP!!!
(That was morse code for I'm coming!)

Do you mean it!? Are you really coming back? Because it won't be summer withou you and a big red bus!
Come back soon!!!

I'm doing a bunch of videos on how to move for this moving advice website. They asked me and didn't argue with price, so I figured why not.

Yup, trying to distract myself. Not working so well. Being pretty productive though! And if this results in me learning all sorts of fantastic skills, then I suppose it isn't so bad?

Can you please put a sitemeter.com counter on here? I want to know who is reading it!
And send me the l/p if you do it so I can track it too!

I will not be making out with any dwarfs! I want hot acrobats I can have trapeze sex with, not someone who can stand up straight and, well, you know...

I really hope you come back soon. My friends are rapidly becoming incredibly lame people who do nothing except be home by 10 for yet another Netflix night.
And who needs that!
Seriously, what is it about people that makes them incredibly boring once they are in a relationship? I would love to know. Fun people are turned into absolute drones as soon as they start getting serious.

I'm listening to Guns n Roses and wrote this entire thing on my ride to work. You realize GnR was the. First time you and I hung out? Such a wonderful time that was!

And you're right. That clown was scary. How about that girl clown, though? She was cute! My boss was like "I wonder which was your favorite" when he saw how much she was in the piece...

The biggest deal-breaker of all

You know how you hate fat people? Well, I hate bludgers.

Cheap-skate is bad. Bludger is badder.

BLUDGER: noun, (1) a person who lives off the efforts of others; a person who does not pay his fair share or who does not make a fair contribution to a cost, enterprise, etc., a cadger; an idler, one who makes little effort; (2) one who exploits the system of unemployment benefits by avoiding gainful employment and making do on the dole.

This is an Australian colloquial term that I would apply to people who are quite happy to leach off society.

This makes me unfriendly.

Young and hirsute

Wine in Napa is good. My family's brand-spanking new 55" LCD is better. No. I lie. Wine in Napa is better. But I just connected my cable router to our television and now my iMac is a neat little media server for it. uTorrent to the rescue.

About the Rilo Kiley reference... Yes, it's like any drug, it staves off the suffering in spurts. But, slap, get a grip buster! You're just going to get hooked on being a sucker, and listen to me mate, that's not a good look on you. It just doesn't go with your stilts.

Okay, so the little blonde-haired girl must have moved because I haven't seen her in 3 weeks or so. I did, however, meet a raven-haired beauty at a wedding last weekend. She apparently was in my grade but I swear I never laid eyes on her before. Until now.

She says she lost 12 pounds so maybe she wasn't svelte in school and so not visibile on my radar, but now? I'm a subscriber to the school of Vivian. We drank champagne and danced all night. She was a good time, but I don't imagine I'll see her again.

So, I've probably mentioned a friend of mine called Karla? Well, she's making me feel really uncomfortable at the moment. Like. Really. I don't know if she's playing or what, but she tells me that she thinks she's in love with me. Ew. I mean, she's a loyal friend and all, but what the fcuk? Lesbians suck.

You know how some people think that it's impossible for girls and guys to be friends, well, when it comes to lesbians, is it impossible for two gay girls to be friends?

In any event, I'm hoping to come back to NYC in June, so put on your good stilt paints and let's make a date to go gallavanting and sangria swilling in the summer sun!

I Love You, Man

I think my absence pretty much speaks for itself. School. Work. Weddings. The usual.

So what's this freelance work you were doing outside of CNN? And why? You're not broke are you? Because I only keep friends with people who have power, looks and a healthy credit limit (and/or nunchuk skills, computer-hacking skills, bow-hunting skills...) But in the current economic downturn, I'll settle for fire-breathing and snake charming.

Let me guess, you're trying to distract yourself from thinking about a girl? I hear you. Boxes and duct tape soothes me too. But what doesn't help is CONTACT. Ouch. Why don't you just sharpen two pencils, shove them up each nostril and bang your head down on a desk?

I'm glad you're going to circus school. For one thing, you'll most likely come back to me with some story about how you got drunk and made it with a hot little circus girl, but who turned out to be just another funny-looking primordial dwarf.

dance me to the end of love

I'm in Napa, California with my family. My brother is being a complete control freak as usual, and I'm pretty much tired of him already. We've been here about 36 hours. Not sure how the next few days will go.

I'm still hanging out with A. I know that's a stupid idea, but I am stupid so what can I say. At this point it has become like that Rilo Kiley song.
And I know I'm alone if I'm with or without you
But just being around you offers me another form of relief.

Yea. It's like that. I feel like I'm in college again with the way I'm handling this. And by that I mean not well.

I signed up for aerial acrobatics classes. They start in two weeks. I'm going to twist and twirl in the air. Isn't that wonderful? Plus it will be a way to meet fun people who hopefully are attractive. At least I don't think they'll be very large, because I can't see large people being able to do that.

Please come home soon. You are dearly missed. There's a Bob Ross party in NY tonight, and I can't go because I'm out in California. We're going to see three wineries today.

How are classes/work going?

When you come back, can you bring me a koala? I want a pet.

I think I'm just going to run away with the circus in a couple years. That way I can just keep escaping my problems and not deal with them. And wear fabulous outfits while dazzling an audience.

I need to show you my video of me on my stilts hula hooping. It's pretty ridiculous.

I really hope you can come back for Burning Man. Just spending the week stoned in the desert sounds glorious. I will make brownies so you don't have to smoke...